Ode to William and Jesse of Globalbridge

William and Jesse,

It is a story that befits many who visit China on trust. They pay their own way, desperate for that niche within some educational institution. They then become servant to that desperate whim, and it is this benumbing ligature that many employers use to rope in their teachers.

When I landed at Xiaoshan I was taken to a section of town that had died many years ago. The EF franchisee didn't quite know into which mausoleum I was to be dumped.

We stumbled up unlit narrow stairs and such was my disappointment, I quickly bade her good night.

It was late, shops were non existent, and I stared at the apple in a plastic bowl. My employer's welcome gift was embellished with a set of chopsticks.

The toilet seat was ugly brown and broken at the front, and it sat there as if it were a plastic lobster. There was no toilet paper. It was as if the weary traveller did not need its utility.

Days later, on a new and merry toilet seat, I was suddenly awash with my own detritus. Now I knew why the toilet seat was always drenched. Each time any of the four loos above my apartment was used, my porcelain belched and sent up its contents in Versuvian chaos.

I could elicit scant concern from my employer and I made up my mind immediately. I arrived back in Australia today.

I had researched the subject matter contained within your recent attachment and I had already drafted my response. But the logistics and the absurdity that is EF Xiaoshan could not allow my being in Beijing on those dates.

That being so, there was no further point to my tolerating the crap that was EF. In the time I was DOS, I initiated structural reforms and lines of communication. As there had not been a DOS since last August, the school was dysfunctional and relied upon reputation and a very eager public to have their children English trained.

But relying on games and pleasant laowai was a bit of a show inasmuch as the progress of students seemed illusory. It was all piss and wind. There was little penetration of the business and adult market. Initiative extended to the colours used to brighten the classrooms.